The Complete Porfingles Chronicles
Being a personal histoy of Pewfell Porfingles,
his extended family and friends.
Pewfells family tree can be traced back four generations
to the legendary wizard Elendor the Great, whose great deeds need
not be detailed here, as they are well known and cataloged in the
chronicles of Midworld. Almost nothing is known of Elendor's background
or origin, though some of had said that he must have been descended
from Fluka the goddess of luck, because he certainly was a jammy
git. Likewise, little is known of the fate of Elendor, some say
he battles still against the forces of evil in the lower planes;
others reckon he is probably propping up a bar in a remote and hedonistic
city in some far corner of the world.
It is known that Elendor left behind a son, who he named after
himself, Elendor II. Elendor II rued being forced to follow his
father's footsteps by being pushed into the adventuring profession.
The shadow of his father's name always loomed over him and he was
never really able to live up to it. He eventually retired at the
relatively young age for a wizard of 103 in order to raise his family
and run a disreputable magic shop in Zorsk on the southern coast
of the Midworld sea where he lived out his days in a befuddled haze,
hopelessly addicted to healing potion. He had married an exotic
dancer he met there, and had two children, the eldest a daughter
named Elena and a son whom he belligerently named Elendor III. The
children's mother ran off while they were still small with a Bedouin
cleric whose influence she had fallen under. Elena took on the responsibility
of running the household, while her father bent most of his efforts
into badgering her brother never to become an adventurer.
A striong family resemblance is apparent in these portraits
that hang in Cawdor Castle.
Elendor III disliked his sister, loathed his father and hated
the hot, dusty city of Zorsk. So as soon as he was old enough he
left home to attend the remote but prestigious Stonestanding School
of Sorcery in Northern Pendria (or southern Beouria, or western
Vordath, depending on whichever province felt like claiming it at
the time). Stonestanding floats on an aerial island off the western
edge of the city of Spirekassle. The weather in that region is mostly
cold, and damp - though summers are nice, winters are long and deep.
Elendor III always told people he moved there for the climate.
Elendor III was a good student and became an enthusiastic adventurer.
He formed a band of valiant do-gooders who made quite a name for
themselves adventuring in the wild lands of Vordath; long before
that became the fashionable thing to do. The deeds of Elendor III,
the great cleric Benson, dashing cavalier Gerard DArard, Miranda
an Amazonian warrior paladin from Prantem, Puff-Bellow the dwarf
and Elias the somewhat effeminate elf were long sung of. Over the
length of their careers they did much to bring peace and prosperity
to that chaotic northern region.
was an uncle of Gerards who called on their assistance when
the lands around his ancestral chateaux home, near the small town
of Jonsport, fell under the sway of a dreaded tyrant known as the
Black Head. The Black Head had marched down out of the Scraper Mountains
with a small army of followers and clamed the hills east of Jonsport
as his own. At first locals were pleased, as these hills had always
been a haven for brigands, raiding traffic on the Pelforth road
and the Head brought some much-needed stability to the region. However,
the Head was now extending his grip over a wider area around, demanding
tariffs from the local farmers and demanding toll from all who passed
through his land.
They were gloomy, miserable hills, rising from ragged cliffs and
rough seas, often surrounded by thick fog and coastal mist. It was
under the cover of such a mist that Elendors company managed
to locate a secret and forgotten underground entrance to the castle
and thus made their approach from underground, eventually emerging
in the dungeons of the Head's recently extended fortress. There
the discovered an awful truth - the Head was amassing an enormous
and awesome army of evil. Slowly he had been amassing his forces,
creatures of chaos from the dark and brooding Scraper mountains
were camped all around the fortress. Orcs, Goblins, Kobolds, Ogres
and all manner of other dastardly creatures were there, preparing
to sweep the whole of the Vordath region and plunge it into darkness.
However, the confusion of having vast and disparate armies assembling
in and around the castle allowed Elendor III band to penetrate right
to the heart of the Head's stronghold, the keep that dominated his
black fortress. Even so it was no easy task and the tale was later
often told of how, in the end, it came down to a one to one conflict
between wizard and warlord, from which the esteemed sorcerer emerged
victor. The songs sing of how Elendor then stood on the castle balcony
and held aloft the Heads head before the gathered crowd of
evil. Once they saw how their leader was defeated and how powerful
the wizard was all ten thousand of them turned tail and fled...or
at least, thats how the songs went when the aged Elendor III
later had the bards play them to his great grand nephew Pewfell
One thing is for certain, Elendor III, tired of adventuring, took
the Head's great black castle for his own, re-naming it Cawdor Castle.
Prosperity soon returned and grew in the surrounding lands as news
of the banishment of evil spread. The local people were mostly poor,
living in small villages and farmsteads dotted between the murky
forests and ancient hills. Along with the castle, Elendor had also
claimed a vast fortune amassed by the Head and along with the great
personal wealth he had built up over years of adventuring, he was
now one of the wealthier lords in the whole of Midworld. He was
a generous ruler, and being rich enough already paid his serf well
and did not even levy any taxes.
The largest and only city in that area, Spirekassle, was approximately
150 miles away, north of the Flintlock hills to the west, and much
too near the Scraper Mountains for most truly civilized folk. Most
of the truly civilized folk in Midworld lived in Prantem, the city
of Paladins far to south (almost 300 miles south of Spirekassle).
Of course the inhabitants of Trader City at the heart of the Midworld
Autocracy would claim that they lived in the only really civilized
place in the whole world, but since very little was known of any
other continent at that time, this is to be forgiven.
Elendor III finally married his companion in arms and long time
fantasy, Miranda, the buxom. Elendor IIIs elder sister Elena,
with whom he had never entirely lost touch, said this was only to
be expected since both their parents were utter disasters as respectable
role models. This caused an even greater great schism in the family,
since Elendor regarded himself as one of the most respectable persons
ever to have walked the face of the earth.
When Elena eventually passed on from old age she left a large
family behind her, including a granddaughter named Glabella. Glabella
was a bright, attractive girl of great curiosity. Her mother had
never seemed to know much about her family history, and her grandmother
had often been known to curse the name of her degenerate brother.
When presses, however, her grandmother had always refused to speak
further on the subject and had forbidden her offspring ever to have
contact with her wayward brother. So, being a brave eighteen year-old
when here grandma passed on, Glabella decided to set out in search
of her long lost great uncle.
Many adventures of her own she had on the way, but eventually
arrived safely at Elendor III's castle. Elendor III was never more
delighted in his life than when he learned that an attractive young
nice of his longed to come and tend him in his failing years, although
in fact he was always a lot more healthy and vigorous than he ever
let on. Miranda had died of old age some years before, and their
relationship had always remained childless. However it wasn't long
before Glabella met and fell in love with a young wizard named Preznaptix
Porfingles. Preznaptix was not from a particularly well to do family,
though his father had become a reasonably successful businessman
in Spirekassle by anticipating the great curtain ring boom of 7139.
The Porfingles family were from Old Spirekassle Village, and had
lived in the region for countless generations. Family legend told
of an ancient ancestor who had been chief druid of the region way
back in the days of the Ferethian empire, though most people agreed
that this was probably a bit far fetched.
Preznaptix was always a bit too eccentric for Elendor III's taste,
he reminded him a bit too much of his father, Elendor II. Also Preznaptix,
although fully qualified as a wizard had never really gone much
in for adventuring. He tended to focus more on research and was
endlessly coming up with new spells and magical apparatuses. Most
of these never seemed to work properly, or if they did never proved
to have much practical application or popular appeal. Still, Glabella
appeared to be very much in love, so Elendor III gave them his blessing
and supported their relationship with occasional injections of cash.
In return Elendor III insisted that their eldest son Pewfell be
made his ward. Elendor III always regretted never having an heir
and was determined to have someone he could train to follow in his
footsteps. Pewfell at four years old was the eldest of three children
having both a sister, Clemilla (2) and brother, Alton - a mere babe
in arms. Pewfell had shown some certain aptitude for magic as toddler,
and Elendor III was determined to see him grow into a great and
powerful sorcerer in the best of family tradition.
Old and ancient as he now was Elendor III and although he complained
often and made himself out to be a miserable old sod, he was underneath
a fair and genial fellow, although he grew more and more like a
fat old cat. He would enjoy a late fried breakfast followed by a
long lie-in. Then he would leave a large and particularly smelly
offering to Lurgi, and then more sleep until supper, after which
he would usually fall asleep in the bath before being carried to
bed by his grateful subjects.
So it was that Pewfell had a wonderful childhood, growing up in
an enlightened, free and idyllic environment in the lands around
the town of Jonsport, where education was honored and esteemed above
all things, but by no means compulsory. Pewfell was a below average
student in a small class of boys and girls from the castle and surrounding
farms. For better or worse the schooling was handled by a tutor,
who made it his business to ensure that the great grand-nephew of
his wizard lord, always scores well in his exams. The curriculum
spanned the arts, science, history, religion and earth studies.
Elendor III himself insisted on instructing Pewfell in the art of
Magic, although by degrees this daily afternoon evolved more and
more into just an excuse for him to take a nap in the middle of
the day, and sadly Pewfell education in the occult sciences was
left sorely lacking.
It was growing up at Cawdor castle that Pewfell got to know his
classmate Bish, an orphan and ward of the great cleric Hedges, brother
of the late Benson. It was on a school field trip to Prantem when
they boys were about 8 years of age that Pewfell had the drowning
accident from which Bish saved him. Pewfell has no memory of the
event, though it left him a mildly hydrophobic, Bish is far too
modest to remind his friend of the life debt he owes him.
Benson and Hedges had been companions of Elendor III in his many
adventures; they were both orthodox priests of the great sun god
Lug. It was Hedges who set up and tended a small temple dedicated
to Lug in the grounds of Cawdor Castle. Bish was raised in this
tradition, and instructed in the mysteries of divinity, in the hope
that he too would one day take over the pastoral congregation of
Cawdor Castle. Thus it came as something of a shock to everyone
when, on the eve of his initiation to the mysteries of Lug the good,
Bish announced that he had received a vision from the goddess Hornbag.
No one else could recall ever having heard of this particular deity,
whose naked and fulsome female form had been revealed to Bish in
a vision of light. A somewhat tasteless vision, which Hedges might
have attributed to the onset of puberty, had not Bish been so fervent
in his belief. Furthermore, along with his conversion, Bish had
sworn an everlasting vow of chastity, saving himself until the day
that he finally passed from the mortal world and came into the arms
of the goddess herself.
Shortly after this Pewfell, now 13 years old left for boarding
school. A scraped pass of his Common Entrance scores, together with
the high praise of his tutor and of course a generous donation from
his guardian were enough to get Pewfell into Elendor III's alma
mater the Stonestanding School of Sorcery in Spirekassle.
Bish remained at Cawdor castle, where Hedges continued Bish's religious
instruction as best he could. Although a keen and enthusiastic student,
Bish was by no means a good learner and as he grew older he became
more and more distracted by visions of his goddess. Afraid that
Bish's self imposed vow of chastity might be doing his acolyte more
harm than good, Hedges attempted to get Bish to take an interest
in women - the church of Lug does not forbid sexual relationships,
and the priesthood is evenly distributed between men and women who
frequently marry. Occasionally Hedges would leave copies of Playcleric
magazine around, or arrange dates for Bish with young girls from
other churches. All to no avail, in fact it served only to intensify
Bish's fervor. By the age of 20 Bish realized that if he if he was
to learn more about his mysterious patron deity he must leave his
master and set out to seek his destiny.
He was in the process of packing his bags when news arrived that
Pewfell was returning from college in disgrace. Pewfell had
been expelled for vomiting over the examiner at his end of year
finals. Although Pewfell claimed it was an unfair dismissal and
not his fault, it was apparent to most everyone who was aware of
his academic record that he wasn't likely to have passed anyway.
When asked what he planned to do with his life now, Pewfell announced
his intention to remain at Cawdor Castle and perhaps become a herbalist,
having scored reasonably well in his school thesis on the marjaweed
plant. Unfortunately the benevolence of Elendor III only extended
so far, and so it was that Pewfell was kicked out of the house without
a penny to his name. Disgruntled and despondent Pewfell was unsure
of what to do next, so when Bish suggested they answer an ad posted
by the Jonsport town council, he reluctantly agreed.
The assignment was simple enough; a small shipping beacon on a
rocky spur of land to the west of the city had ceased to function.
Pewfell and Bish were to investigate what had happened to its keeper,
a wizard who was granted the tower as a place to live in return
for keeping the beacon lit. When they arrived they found the place
occupied by a small band marauding goblins from out of the northern
wilds of Vordath. Bravely Bish launched an attack on the goblins,
driving them off in surprise and fear of the demented warrior priest.
On further investigation they found the cellars to be infested with
zombies that Bish bravely also managed to dispatch with some assistance
from Pewfell. Eventually they found the wizard locked in basement,
half-mad and quite crazed as the result of the backfiring of one
of his re-animation spells. Pewfell managed to reverse the spell
and revive him, but when he came to he was extremely displeased
at the mess the two adventurers had made of his re-animation experiments,
and chased them off in a fury, turning Bish into a newt in the process.
Bish recovered a few days later, and the wizard did restore the
beacon, so the honorable council rewarded them. Thus began the adventures
of Pewfell and Bish.
Comic #0 (as yet unpublished) tells the tale of this adventure
road to the South Vordath shipping beacon
They spent the rest of that summer performing similar tasks for
the council, until at least they had gathered enough money to travel
to Spirekassle and set themselves up in business there. Bish was
keen to get to the big city to research more about the mysterious
goddess Hornbag, and Pewfell was eager to get back to the heady
student lifestyle he had left behind.
However, all was not really what they had hoped. Bish in his researched
found no more information on his goddess, and Pewfell found that
many of his former friends had moved on, or taken respectable jobs.
Spirekassle was filled with many experienced adventurers, so there
were slim pickings as far as work. Eventually Pewfell was able to
secure employment assisting a sage named Meldin, who put the two
companions up in a small room in his attic. Bish earned a meager
living preaching on street corners, but both performed various tasks
for Meldin, or did a little moonlighting here and there.
The first 5 strips of Comic #2 are set during this period
It was on once of these "freelance" assignments that
they first met Pedwyn and Fug. They had answered an ad posted in
the forum by a local nobleman, Lord Sir Algernoon Codpeace, whose
son Cuthpert had been kidnapped for ransom by a gang of thieves.
Pedwyn and Fug had also answered the ad, being new to town. No one
else had responded due to the general unpopularity of the Codpeace
family, known chiselers and cheats who had on more than one occasion
failed to properly pay adventurers for services rendered. As it
turned out Cuthpert was not a young child at all, but rather an
adult slightly older even than his would-be rescuers
Pedwyn had been raised in Pelforth, a wild and chaotic town in
the north of Vordath, right in the foothills of the Scraper Mountains.
He liked to claim that he got his nickname the Jackal because his
mother had been eaten by a jackal and he had been raised by jackals
in the wild mountainous woods north of Pelforth. Somehow though,
no one ever seemed to believe this. Partly because whenever he went
back to visit his 'wolf' brethren, he always took a large bundle
of dirty laundry that he always brought back clean. To compensate,
however, pedwyn does display some mildly lycanthropic tendencies
when the moons are full. Fug was a young barbarian from the land
of Formoria, a frozen wastes beyond the mountains at the top of
the world. His tribe and village had apparently been decimated by
the attack of a vicious remorhaz, a snow dragon, Fug the only survivor
had escaped, made his way through the mountains and was met by Pedwyn
while on his way to Spirekassle. The two had rapidly become fast
friends, and made a fair living from doing the somewhat dodgy jobs
that more noble adventurers hate.
The unlikely foursome adventured together often, and spent many
hours at the Hog's nuts tavern where Fug and Pedwyn made their lodgings.
Comic #1 tells of one such adventure Pewfell's first encounter
with Hornia, Witch Queen of the Scraper Mountains.
At one point, the discovery of a conspiracy organized by sea devils
lead them to Trader City, still under the employ of Meldin. Investigation
of the sea devil's lair resulted in Bish being turned into a shark
for a short period of time. They spent almost a year in Trader City,
and a golden, happy time it was for them all.
Meldin meanwhile spent his time setting up a new branch of his
Sage Advice & Apothecary chain of stores in the capital. After
this, the somewhat batty old man, announced his intention to seek
this mythical land in the little visited countries beyond Freeport.
A sip was fitted out and the company set sail. The journey was long
and many adventures were had along the way, which may be detailed
some other time. They never did discover Inishara, but it was on
this quest that Pewfell met his future wife Tina. Tina was a Viking
warrior princess from the frozen Nordic lands South East of Formoria.
Eventually the party found themselves back in Spirekassle, returning
there from the East. Pewfell and Tina were married, and they spent
their entire share of the treasure they had accumulated during their
travels on the house they now live in. A grand old place it is,
a listed building but sold at quite a discount because of its particularly
precarious position right near the edge of the world.
Bish use his treasure to establish the Order of Divine unity,
Fug and Pedwyn lost most of theirs on a trip to Vagus, but they
were satisfied that it had been one of the all time great weekends.
Pewfell continued working for Meldin, but became increasingly
bored with his lot, and began to make strides to set up on his own.
Comics #2 - 6 catalog episodes that happened during this period,
including Bish's rise to become pope of Spirekassle.
Bish's papacy did not last long, and eventually he was deposed
and the city set back to rights - these events will be cataloged
in Comic #7, if it ever gets finished.It was during this time also
that Gnomabegan to squat in OPewfell's house.
And that about brings us up to date, you can continue reading
the tale in the archives.