The Official Bish Bathewell Spell Book
devotly scripted and faithfully illustrated
Presented in the original German with English
translations provided by the author:
Here begins the book of the veneration and religion of Hornbag,
the godess, as the true testifier Bish Bathewell, Bishop of Spirecassle,
in the year 2002 or the 4th of her first appearance on the web,
Offering flowers, the blessed
one by Hornbag can determine the ALIGNMENT, i. e. once a day he
may offer 1 D 4 (per grade) flowers to non-attacking beings, which
have to show their alignment though their reaction. An attack
throw has to be successful for "chaotic" beings. If a donation
is begged simultaneously, the success rate sinks to 20%. Btw.,
the offering of flowers doens't affect attacks or initiative throws
HORNARAMA BAGALAMA is a chant
of the Holy Ones of Hornbag to give proof of, demonstrate, and
increase their unity. This chant isn't really magic, but gives
NPC followers morale +1 and increases the chance to find new followers
by 25%, if one agrees that these new followers have intelligence
max 8. Beings of superior intelligence are being chased off by
Unity with nature and dedication
to ye goddess enable the cleric to build himself a costume within
20 rounds, that gives him the 80% chance of the appearance as
a "wandring mould" aka known as "waddler". In the 20% chance rest
the knobbly knees of the priest are being recognized. The main
thing about this is the illusion. Most sensible opponents (80%)
will flee without the necessity of an attack throw, for unintelligent
beings an attack throw is obligatory. The costume can only be
build within a forest.
BENDING SPOONS is more a side-effect
than a spell. Hornbag punishes all those by it that start eating
before the prayer is done. Sometimes, she punishes all people
around. This works only with spoons, and specially with soups
containing tomatoes or curry. A „saving throw for objects“ may
be performed. Contrary to the original rite, only one prayer per
meal - not one per course - is sufficient.
With a bit of luck one can
grow Hornbag‘s tremendous ASPARAGUS. This spell makes pointy asparagus
grow on an area of 1 D 3 square meters per experience grade of
the spellcaster. It shoots out of the ground with the velocity
of arrows and inflicts damage upon beings possibly on top of it
of 2 D 4. The asparagus doesn‘t keep its speed for very long,
and is dangerous for only some 10 meters above ground; then it
plummets down again and becomes ordinary asparagus. It is edible,
but rather wooden (Quality class C). This spell works only on
soil, not on rock or wood. It works preferably in the months of
may, april or june (+ 2 on attack throw).
To (possibly) WALK ON WATER
may be done by concentrating very intensely. Then it doesn‘t matter
whether it may be beer, wine, coffee or sauce bernaise or even
actually water. The priest of Hornbag has to have his feet naked,
and mustn‘t carry heavy weights. This spell doesn‘t save from
damage by heat (if the water‘s boiling) and aquatic beings might
attack, too. This spell holds on for up to 3 D 8 rounds, fast
running, working and fighting on the water shortens its duration
by half. This spell doesn‘t protect from getting wet by rain.
With a libation one can induce
INCONTINENCE. Out of a multitude of enemies, with each grade 1
D 4 suffer incontinence. They lose initiative and 2 upon their
attack throw and armor class, beings smaller than human have a
50% chance of fleeing.
To work this spell, the spellcaster has to take a sip in honor
of Hornbag (blessed be her name). The spell lasts for 2 D 4 rounds.
The fleeing beings leave noticeable (depending on the ground)
The great godess deigns the
HEALING of light wounds. If the priest lays his hands upon the
wounded, he may heal 1 D 8 of damage. This can only be made with
The healing takes effect until the being is again wounded or gets
run over somehow.
For the inverse spell the priest has to touch the being, too,
an attack throw has to succeed if in doubt. Range: Touch. Words
and gestures. Lasting effect. Spell takes 5 rounds to be cast.
Effective with substantial beings. No saving throw possible.
Let there be LIGHT (or not).
Within a radius of 6 m around the center there is a torch-like
light, only without the flicker. Outside of this ball of light
it remains dark. A movable object can be determined as the source
of light. If the target is a living being, a saving throw against
magic is possible; if the light-spell is cast upon the eyes, attack,
armor class and saving throw worsen by 4.
Light can be ended by the caster at once. The effect of several
spells doesnt sum up. The spell is invereseable, within
this kind of daarkness only magic light of day-brightness works.
Or a targeted light-spell like this one, aimed at the source of
With great mercy Hornbag endows
a BLESSING on the priest and his allies. They get +1 for their
saving throws against fear and for their attack throws. A blessing
must be done before the battle. All beings within a cube of 15
m can be blessed like this, but only those the priest wants to
bless. The blessing lasts for 6 rounds.
An object can be blessed, too, an crossbow-bolt for example. For
each grade of the spellcaster 1 pound of object can be blessed.
The effect is limited to 6 rounds here, too.
Got any ideas for a spell?
not tell us about it here!